As the countdown of days until I begin graduate school continues, I have one important inquiry on my mind: what the hell do I wear to the first day of class?
Before you start rolling your eyes, I should clarify: I'm no fashionista. My usual uniform is a t-shirt and shorts with my hair up in a cheap hair clip from CVS. I'm not looking to impress guys, because I already have one (and he thinks I look sexy in my sloppiest t-shirt and sweatpants). The reason I'm wondering has so much more to do with what grad school is about and what being a grad student makes me than the actual apparel. For instance, do we dress up because now we are supposed to be professionals? Is the old college standby of wearing pajamas to class no longer acceptable? Do I wear heels? Are sandals okay? Does wearing a pair of shorts mean I'm disrespecting the process? If I dress in my best interview outfit and everyone else is wearing jeans, have I immediately stuck that "40-year-old in a 22-year-old body" label on myself once again?
As excited as I am about FINALLY having the chance to study what I want and take courses in which I am actually interested, I'm scared. What if I'm not good enough for this? What if I'm not ready? I feel alone for the first time in a long time, because this is the first point in my life that I have been doing something different than my friends. Up until now, we all were in the same grade at the same time, going off to college at the same time. This summer, after we all graduated, we all went our separate ways. Some of my friends moved back home to be with their families while they found jobs. Others moved to different states. One, I am proud to say, is traveling North America with a prestigious horse show. None of my close friends are in graduate school. I am the lone ranger. I also seem to be one of the few people I know who is absolutely certain of what she wants to do with her life. It doesn't make me better than anyone else. It just means I'm taking a different path, and sometimes we travel parts of the journey alone (sort of).
I feel both older and yet ridiculously young simultaneously. I feel incredibly young inside, and I often wonder how it happened that I am old enough to even be in graduate school. I am a college graduate (thank you, Mom), and yet I feel so inexperienced. I am so inexperienced. I imagine myself on the first day of classes sitting next to someone and saying, "Hi. I'm Ashley. Want to be my friend?" One of my greatest hopes for the coming semester is to not only succeed academically, but to make friends. Friends who understand my love for this career path and are just as excited about the possibility of seeing clients as I am. On the flip side, I feel strangely mature. I am entering this phase of my life where I will be setting myself up for a (hopefully successful) career.
I'll let you know what I wear.
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I feel kind of the same way.
ReplyDeleteThis is my first semester where I am taking the classes for my major and not just Gen Ed stuff.
I'll be in classes with people I will be competing with for jobs when we all graduate.
So I (like you) want to take it seriously. Be taken seriously.
But if you are still the Ashley I knew (and I am sure you are) then you could walk in there with a garbage bag on and still be the smartest and most mature person in the room.
Good Luck!
Keep me posted.
Tina was actually freaking out about what she should wear to her first class in grad school too. I thought that she was just trying to look good but you explained it a lot better.
ReplyDeleteWhy not do something that is more or less a combination of everything. To me, that means wear a business casual type dress. Maybe one that's comfortable that makes you feel confident and professional too.
Remember that what you're starting is really no different from college. The good thing about starting grad school (from my experience with Tina's class) is that 97% of the people who are in those classes with you are also recent undergrads. See if you can get involved with activities, socials, and events that your program has and I'm sure you'll make friends in no time.
I'm so proud of you, Ashley. Get ready!
Thanks to both of you. I really appreciate all the nice things you said. :) It's good to have support (and blog comments!). It means a lot.
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